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School is in! A new school year may be to some the same old thing. It may simply be a continuation of last and the year before. However, for some parents, a new school year includes fears and uncertainty about homework, school and social anxieties and host of other things. In managing these problems with […]
School is in! A new school year may be to some the same old thing. It may simply be a continuation of last and the year before. However, for some parents, a new school year includes fears and uncertainty about homework, school and social anxieties and host of other things. In managing these problems with our children we need to find ways to take care of ourselves. This is what I wanted to touch on today. Below you will find several suggestions for self care for parents.
You need to make it your business to take care of yourself. There are many people who are so busy taking care of others that they neglect taking care of themselves. Today’s parent has a lot on his mind, He says things like “I just don’t have time.” The reality is that self-care is a me-first sensibility. You have to put yourself first. You have to make a decision in your mind that taking care of yourself is as important as taking care of others or of taking care of your family. This may be a sensibility that some people are uncomfortable with.
Self-care is intentional. It’s something that you really should be doing on a regular basis, preferably daily. The problem is many times parents don’t have a self-care routine or don’t think about their mental and emotional wellness until it’s a critical issue. It is not accidental. Parents are intentional about their jobs, taking care of family and house, and many other aspects of their lives. They should intentional about their self-care routine as well.
You need to have some fun. But its hard to have fun when you’re worried about your children. You need balance. This means you need to find ways to have fun that are unrelated to your work. You need non-work recreation. Find a hobby, spend fun with your family, exercise, play golf or tennis, read books, etc.
Parenting never ends. This means pressure to be a great parent is always there. It might means being constantly engaged in the struggles of your children. There needs to be a time that you are disengaged from the parenting worry. You need this time to care for yourself so you can be present with you family. As parents, this may seem like a difficult thing to do. However, it is possible to have the balance of time being engaged and logged off.
Being a parent is hard work. All the pressure is on you. Parents worry about their significant others, finances, and children. That is a lot of pressure. This pressure can affect sleeping habits. The National Sleep Foundation suggests that adults need seven to nine hours of sleep a night. However, it is possible to develop good sleep habits. Good sleep health means that in general we go to sleep and wake up at the same time each day. This might seem difficult to do but with good self-care habits, you can develop good sleep habits as well
Being a parent can be can be a difficult stress-inducing experience that many people may find overwhelming. It is a challenge to maintain a healthy life and a family. It is possible though to have both. However, it requires an intentional decision to care for your cognitive, emotional and physical self. Click here for the companion article on parenting during school.
School just started here in Alamance County. I spoke to one of the teachers at my children’s school about his emotions about sending his daughter off to college in another state. Maybe some parents rejoice at the idea of the children going back to school. However, some others also struggle to send their kids away […]
School just started here in Alamance County. I spoke to one of the teachers at my children’s school about his emotions about sending his daughter off to college in another state. Maybe some parents rejoice at the idea of the children going back to school. However, some others also struggle to send their kids away to school. It is also possible that school might also represent a renewal of anxiety and tension for both parent and child. So here are my suggested back to school parenting tips.
Children need to have well-defined expectations when it comes to the school year. It is important for them to wake up a the same time every day. They need to be given enough time to get ready. They also need to have a good healthy breakfast. Your child’s morning routine should also be absent of raised voices or conflict. I know this is hard especially if you have a slow riser the way we do. It can certainly be challenging.
Homework! I hate even thinking about it. As someone who did homeschooling for several years with an unmotivated child, I hate to think about managing homework. If you have a child with ADHD, or a learning complication then homework can be very difficult. Many times even if your child is an older teenager they are going to need accountability. This may include the use of planners and other educational tool designed to help children succeed. But at the end of the parents need to supervise homework to make sure things get done.
Communicating with teachers and school officials can be an important part of helping your child to succeed in school. Many schools will work with you on setting up accommodations for children that need them. Many schools have special classes for children who need them. No matter the situation, your child is the beneficiary of a good relationship between teacher and parent. It may be best for you to initiate a discussion about your child’s needs and classroom performance.
Another big issue especially for teenagers today is screen time. It can also be a problem for younger children as well. Smartphones, TV, and video games can be a distraction. They can interfere with household responsibilities, homework, and bedtime habits. One possible strategy is to not have children using screens late in the day. Screen time stimulates the brain. let stimulation helps with bedtime. This is especially true of children who take medicines that interfere with sleep.
Attachments and strong long lasting relationships are built by spending time together. Ten minutes spent doing something together with your child can be instrumental in crafting a strong, intimate parent-child relationship. Such relationships can help with school, home, and social problems. Alfred Adler wrote in depth about the advantages of positive parenting. A positive relationship is a benefit to parent and child
Finally, for children to do well in school, they need to have enough sleep. The National Sleep Foundation suggests that children 6-13 need nine to eleven hours of sleep and children 14-18 need eight to ten hours of sleep. As mentioned, decreasing screen time can help in reducing cognitive stimulation. It is also important to have consistent expectations in regards to bedtime. Keeping the same bedtime helps children know what to expect.
Finally, I know your children are going to do great this year. I know you are going to do great at helping them to succeed. Don’t forget to do self-care for yourself. You and your family will benefit from you taking care of yourself. If you are interested in tips about self-care, click herefor an article I wrote about it.
In 1980, Ozzy Osbourne wrote a song called Suicide Solution that appeared on his Blizzard of Ozz album (a great album if you happen to a metalhead). There is some debate about what it is about. In 1978, nine hundred people died in a suicide/murder plot at the hands of the cult leader Jim Jones. […]
In 1980, Ozzy Osbourne wrote a song called Suicide Solution that appeared on his Blizzard of Ozz album (a great album if you happen to a metalhead). There is some debate about what it is about. In 1978, nine hundred people died in a suicide/murder plot at the hands of the cult leader Jim Jones. More recently, Netflix has produced, 13 reasons why a show centering around the problem of suicide. Finally, the problem of suicide has become into our consciousness again, two prominent people, Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain have committed suicide creating a heightened awareness of suicide awareness. In the interest in combating the problem of suicide, I would like to offer the following warning signs.
One of the ways we can help people around us who struggle with suicide is to be sensitive to them talking about thoughts of death. This means they might think of death itself or different ways of dying. They also might suggest that everyone would be better off without them around. They might also think thoughts about being dead. They also might have specific thoughts about harming themselves. This type of preoccupation with death can be an indication that he or she might need help.
Another issue to think about is whether or not a person intends to hurt himself. There’s a big difference between somebody who simply thinks about death and somebody who intends to hurt himself. Intention is an escalation in how seriously at risk someone is. Sometimes a person will have dark thoughts without any intention to hurt themselves. However, sometimes a person might have thoughts of death and intend to act on it.
Finally, we should be concerned about our friend or family member who has a plan for how they might hurt themselves. Someone who has a plan might already be thinking about the way they would commit suicide. For instance, they might think “I’ll use a gun“ or “I’ll hang myself.” Consequently, we should be listening for the method of suicide they might use if they did it. If a person has gotten so far they have begun planning how they would actually do it then the best course of action is to get them help.
If we have someone in our lives who struggle with suicidal thoughts, our objective should be to get them help. You can pay attention to them. Look for signs of suicidal thoughts, intention, and a plan. Get them a counselor, take them to a physician, call 911, or take them to an emergency room.
My phone is completely out of control. I thought I was someone who had balance. I’m not one of those people who constantly has to have his phone in his hand. Or least I didn’t think I was but apparently, I am. And unfortunately, I am not aloneThis is a problem of smartphone imbalance. And […]
My phone is completely out of control. I thought I was someone who had balance. I’m not one of those people who constantly has to have his phone in his hand. Or least I didn’t think I was but apparently, I am. And unfortunately, I am not aloneThis is a problem of smartphone imbalance. And it is a very common problem. A recent New York University study had some disturbing conclusions. They discovered that smartphone use leads to compromised relationships and an unbalanced life. and physiological implications. So what do people do who are frustrated by their spouse or child who never puts down their phone?
One of the ways we can address smartphone imbalance is by turning them off. The implication is that something is going to happen in the world or in my social circle that I am going to miss out on. I’ll miss a text, a Facebook post, or a call. This type of thinking leads to imbalance, and that imbalance affects many areas of life. However, you can turn it off. You don’t have to have your phone out 24 hours a day. Are you really going to be taking calls and responding to texts in the middle of the night? No, you’re not. In most cases, the messages and calls we receive are not time sensitive. They can wait. Try to find a time that to turn your phone off or put it away.
If you’re interested in correcting your smartphone imbalance, one of the things you should be aware of how much you use your phone. This is a problem of measurement. Although you should ask yourself things like “do I always need my phone in my hand or near me?” there are other more scientific ways to measure whether or not your smartphone has taken over your life. And as they say “there’s an APP for that.” There are APPs both on the Apple Appstore and the Google play area for measuring phone use. I find that searching “smartphone use” will pull up a variety of options that can help measure phone use habits. The APP I use measures the number of times I pick up my phone and how long I use each time.
If you do find that you do struggle with smartphone imbalance, there are some things you can do about it. Just as well plan our lives and schedule for activities and responsibilities that are important, we can plan for times we don’t have to be on our phone. Is it necessary to have your phone when you have dinner? There was a time when doing something like messing with a phone or answering texts at the table would have been unheard of. However, our culture has clearly changed. You can also change your phone habits when you go out socially. It is possible to plan to put your phone away in social situations. And it is possible to plan to decrease your phone use at home. Another situation that might warrant decreased cell phone use is bedtime. Late night phone use can interfere with sleep and relationships.
Finally, planning for offline activities can help with a smartphone imbalance. One of the problems excessive phone activity can create is physical inactivity. One of the things you can do to combat this problem is to plan for more offline activities. Spend unconnected time with family. Go to the park or dog park. Go hiking. Get involved in some kind of group. Take a class with someone. There is an endless number of things you could do that are disconnected.
The core problem with people who have a smartphone imbalance is one of connection versus disconnection. Research shows that the more connected one is online the more disconnected one is to other people. And smartphone use can affect mental and physical health. Click here for the companion article about the health effects of smartphone use.
Every once in a while, my wife and I go to a restaurant. My Daddy job is to ask the host or hostess for a table. After having done so, I go and sit down in one of those super-uncomfortable seats and realize nobody is talking to each other. Typically, everybody has their smartphones out and […]
Every once in a while, my wife and I go to a restaurant. My Daddy job is to ask the host or hostess for a table. After having done so, I go and sit down in one of those super-uncomfortable seats and realize nobody is talking to each other. Typically, everybody has their smartphones out and is texting. Nobody talks to each other. Psychologists and researchers are now beginning to study the effects of the use of smartphones on brain functioning. Digital wellness is a new area of study. In fact, Liberty University has recently started the first Center for Digital Wellness. Many other universities will surely do the same thing soon. So why is it that unchecked smartphone use is so problematic? I suggest several reasons below.
It’s just now becoming clear how technology and smartphones in particular, affect healthy living. What is clear is that the smartphone revolution is completely out of control. It’s also clear that it’s affecting brain health. Smartphone use has contributed to increases in depression. Although not exactly the same, smartphone use causes dopamine to be released in a similar way as alcohol and drugs. This release of dopamine drives smartphone users towards increased use.
Unchecked smartphone use can affect how emotionally healthy we are as well. Since the advent of smartphones, there have been increases in narcissism. According to Dr. Sylvia Hart Frejd, narcissism has increased by 30%. Yikes, that can’t be good for us either individually or collectively. One obvious implication of smartphone use and the increase of narcissism is the prevalence of selfies. There was a time when the idea of taking pictures of yourself would be outlandish. However, today it is common for people to have a smartphone and Facebook full of selfies.
Smartphones have negatively affected our health in so many ways and that includes the ability to relate to others. As smartphone and social media contacts increase, the ability to connect with other decreases. Another problem with unchecked smartphone use is that it promotes loneliness. A New York University study suggests that the younger someone is the more they use their smartphone. They conclude that younger smartphone users use there smartphone on average as much as twelve hours a day. This degree of smartphone use negatively impacts relationships.
Not only does unchecked smartphone use affect us emotionally and relationally, but it can have very real physical effects as well. The dangers of the correlation between driving and texting have been well documented. Since the increase in the use of smartphones, there has also been an increase in neck and back problems. The increased inactivity created by smartphones and similar technologies have also contributed to increases in physical health. One such example is the problem of obesity.
Although it is unclear what the long-term impact of smartphone use is, it is clear that caution is needed. Making healthy choices means taking into account the ways in which you are influenced by the people and things around you. This should include considering what impact your smartphone use might have on you.
I used to be a pastor. When I was it was clear to me that there were Christians that were suspicious of counselors and counseling. There were apparently things about counseling that they felt uncomfortable with. They weren’t sure that a Christian should see a counselor. However, when I studied Marriage and Family Therapy at Liberty University I became aware […]
I used to be a pastor. When I was it was clear to me that there were Christians that were suspicious of counselors and counseling. There were apparently things about counseling that they felt uncomfortable with. They weren’t sure that a Christian should see a counselor. However, when I studied Marriage and Family Therapy at Liberty University I became aware that some counselors and psychologists are equally suspicious of people of faith. Both the community of faith and those in the business of counseling are guilty of misunderstanding the nature and motives of the other. I would suggest that a number of myths exist about faith and counseling.
No, they don’t. Some think that it’s impossible to be religious and value counseling. I don’t. This is definitely a myth. It is simply untrue. As someone who is a consumer of both faith and counseling, this drives me crazy. Obviously, there are areas of disagreement between certain types of counseling theory and the Christian tradition. However, there are many things they have in common. Case in point is the counseling therapies that focus on distorted or negative thinking. This is not so different from the Bible’s focus on the renewing of the mind and thinking positive, encouraging thoughts. Two examples of this are Romans 12:1 and Philippians 4:8. Consequently, there are many types of theological and psychological thinking that are similar. The proponents of both seek to help people. And perhaps the area that theology and counseling are most in agreement about is helping people. I see the practice of faith and counseling as allies. They both seek to help others.
Myth #2: Counseling doesn’t work. I’ve heard it many times. I can’t count the number of times that people of faith have proclaimed their distrust in counseling or therapy. I sometimes wonder if some people think that the only place healing can take place is at church? You would think that people of faith would have a broader understanding of how God might work to help people confront their fears, insecurities, and struggles. Unfortunately, this is not always true. It is true that every counseling relationship is not ideal. However, it would be inaccurate to say counseling doesn’t work. And there are reasons that people might think that. It may be the client’s unwillingness to work with the therapist. It may be the counselor’s theory of practice not being the best fit for the client’s problem. Maybe the client and counselor don’t’ really click with each other. Or perhaps the client is fearful of getting that close to their pain. Consequently, there are explanations for those who would claim counseling doesn’t work.
Another common myth. It is clear from the Bible and the Christian tradition that Jesus is a healer, However, there are some who would say that Jesus is enough and we don’t need to look for help in a counselors office. There are some Christians and even counselors who suggest that we should not avail ourselves of medicinal solutions. They see the study psychiatry and counseling to be enemies of the church. The problem is sometimes people need more than upgrading their church attendance and prayer. Sometimes faith is taking advantage of the resources available to you to be healthy. The best example of this is the treatment of alcohol and drug use. Treatment of these problems can consist of one on one, group counseling, and support group meetings. Many people continue with their meetings for years. Consequently, it is true that Jesus is enough for many struggles. However, there are some problems that the discerning Christian should seek further help for. Therefore, this does not make our faith smaller. It simply means that we find hope in many people and situations. Perhaps this means counselors and ministers should be allies in helping people.
In my view, counselors and pastors do a similar work. Both tend to be motivated to help and support others to make changes. However, it’s more helpful to look for ways in which we are alike instead of the ways that we are different.
Maybe you’ve been asking “Do I have ADD?” But you’re not sure. I love Attention Deficit people. They are exciting, interesting, and intelligent. I have two ADD children and they make life exciting. So if you think you might have ADD I hope this article will help you. There was a time when attention deficit problems were […]
Maybe you’ve been asking “Do I have ADD?” But you’re not sure. I love Attention Deficit people. They are exciting, interesting, and intelligent. I have two ADD children and they make life exciting. So if you think you might have ADD I hope this article will help you. There was a time when attention deficit problems were considered to be problems for children and adolescents. However, it is also a diagnosis for adults. Perhaps you suspect that you have attention deficit symptoms. Psychiatrists state that there are eighteen symptoms. Below you will find the four general symptoms of Attention Deficit Disorder.
One of the hallmarks of attention deficit problems is difficulty maintaining concentration. this might mean having problems being easily distracted. Sounds, visual stimuli, really almost anything can be distracting. This means doing tasks that require concentration are more easily done in isolation. Unfortunately, it is not very practical to work in isolation in many job or school settings. For some people, it is also difficult to maintain sustained concentration. Dr. Daniel Amen, in his book Healing the ADD Brain discusses concentration. He suggests that when some ADD people try to concentrate their focus gets worse. Because of this, some will avoid engaging in tasks that require sustained attention. This can definitely affect performance at school, at work, and at home.
ADD and ADHD dramatically affect organization and one’s ability to stay organized. Although many people struggle with organization, disorganization is typical of attention deficit people. People with attention deficit problems may have a desk or work area that is messy and unorganized. They also may have difficulty keeping up with things. They may be prone to losing their keys, wallet, etc. Attention deficit people can also be forgetful. This can affect completion of tasks and follow through on things. They can also be guilty of procrastination. This can have an impact at work, school, and home.
One of the most noteworthy attention deficit symptoms is impulse control. ADD impulsivity can create significant problems. This can be seen in children who can’t stop touching everything. Impulse control is a problem for children and adults. An impulsive adult might have difficulty with waiting their turn to talk in a conversation. They might interrupt others. They might also have difficulty with curbing impulsive actions or behaviors. This impulsivity affects effectiveness at work or school. It also might complicate dating or marital relationships. Unchecked impulse control can also create financial and family problems.
Many people with ADHD outgrow the hyperactive piece. However, many adults do not. It is possible for ADD or ADHD to go into remission. Research suggests that 21% of people with an ADD diagnosis will go into remission. Unfortunately, that means 79% will have their symptoms throughout adulthood. Hyperactive symptoms can persist in adulthood. This may mean someone is very fidgety, or cannot stay still. It may seem that they need to keep moving. They may talk excessively. They can also seem restless.
This is not an exhaustive list of the diagnostic symptoms for ADD/ADHD. If you are interested in the full list you can find it here. If you have variations of these four symptoms, you or your loved one might have attention deficit struggles. As a Burlington NC counselor, I help people in coping with ADD problems. I would love to assist you in managing your ADD or ADHD struggles. To contact me click here.
Studies show that between five and seven percent of children are affected by attention deficit symptoms. However, the National Resource Center on ADHD suggests that among children aged 6-11 the almost nine percent are affected. Additionally, their research states that ADD affects almost twelve percent of adolescents. Of these, almost a quarter will receive no treatment at all to […]
Studies show that between five and seven percent of children are affected by attention deficit symptoms. However, the National Resource Center on ADHD suggests that among children aged 6-11 the almost nine percent are affected. Additionally, their research states that ADD affects almost twelve percent of adolescents. Of these, almost a quarter will receive no treatment at all to combat their symptoms. Conversely, 69% will opt for medicinal strategies to help with ADD-related problems. All of these issues combine to make the school setting a difficult one for children affected by ADD. Maybe the question that you have been asking is “How do I help my ADD child in school?” Below you will find several strategies to help your ADD child in school.
One way to help an ADD child in school is by focusing on his or her teachers. It is possible that your child’s teachers are as frustrated as you are. They are your partners, Love them for what they do for your child. It is easy to think that it is their job to help the children in their class. Go the extra mile. Do something for them on teacher appreciation day. Send them something for Christmas. Wish them a happy spring break. Having an ADD child in the class is just as difficult as having one at home. However, your purpose is to be on the same page with the teachers on how to best help your child at school. No one has more of a stake in your child’s success at school than his or her teacher.
Attention deficit problems at school include not only academic problems but social ones as well. My experience with my own children has been that some teachers were well aware of the symptoms of ADD and some weren’t. In my own case, my children’s teacher happens to be a problem-solving maniac. However, not every teacher is going to be that. You and the teacher need to remember that your purpose is for your child to succeed. This means working together on any potential accommodations. This is not always easy. Some such accommodations require implementation at home and at school and that is easier to do if you are partners together to accomplish your child’s educational goals.
ADD children are affected in dramatically different ways. There is a significant difference in the experience of the severely affected child and moderately affected child. However, many ADD children struggle with getting homework done. In many cases, an ADD child will need parental help staying organized. That may mean they need help in completing assignments. It may also mean communication with teachers and the school on what homework is given and what assignments are due. It also may require implementing the use of assignment organization strategies to keep assignments straight. ADD children may also be prone to forgetting things required to complete assignments at school and even forgetting to turn in assignments that have been completed.
The effects of ADD symptoms impact many children socially, at home and at school. These experiences can affect a child’s self-esteem and self-image. These experiences can lead a child to adopt a negative perspective on school. As a parent, you can combat these thoughts by countering them with encouragement for every single thing they do that is praiseworthy. Encourage them for anything they do at school or home that is even the least bit positive. Many times ADD children feel everything they do is negative and they are overwhelmed by that. This may be one of the reasons there is a correlation between attention deficit problems and later substance abuse disorders. You can combat some of this by encouraging them.
One of the most difficult experiences a parent of an ADD child can have is a parent-teacher conference or report card day. We all want our children to do well in school. As a parent, it’s easy to focus on the types of grades you want them to make or the behaviors you want them to have. It is hard to do, but try to focus on the positive, whatever it may be. At the same time, minimize the negative. Clearly, this is a parental balancing act. There are some things that a good parent will not let go. Nor should they. Apart from critical issues, focus on the things that they do well, even if those things are small. Conversely, although we might want our children to have a good experience at school, find ways to communicate support. Part of this is having realistic expectations of the ADD child.
Every person has a love bank. When our love bank is full, our self-worth increases. When others do things that make us feel valued and loved, our love bank is full. So do the things that make your child’s love bank full. In regards to your child at school, if their love bank is full at home, they may be more able to function academically. I hug my kids every day. I tell them I love them every day. The last things I do when I leave the house is to remind them that they are loved and are precious. Click here to read more about how love banks work.
For many ADD children, school and academics is a struggle. However, there are things that parents can do to reinforce ADD children’s ability to function in academic settings.
I’ve been a consumer of counseling services throughout my adult life. I have had some experiences that were great. Some others not so much. My hope for you is that your experiences will be great too. However, I do understand why people say that counseling doesn’t work. It makes me sad that there are people searching for […]
I’ve been a consumer of counseling services throughout my adult life. I have had some experiences that were great. Some others not so much. My hope for you is that your experiences will be great too. However, I do understand why people say that counseling doesn’t work. It makes me sad that there are people searching for answers and don’t find them. So why is it that counseling doesn’t work? Well, it’s inaccurate to say this. But there are some reasons that explain why some people say this. I’d like to suggest four reasons why counseling might not work for some people.
The first reason people say counseling doesn’t work is that they have the wrong counselor. Being in therapy is being in a relationship. The relationship between counselor and client is the greatest predictor of counseling results. If the relationship isn’t one of trust, it will be difficult to make progress. A relationship that includes empathy, understanding, encouragement, and collaboration have an increased potential for positive results. However, if the two don’t feel connected, the desired results are less likely. Therefore, it is important that you choose the right counselor, one that you connect with and can be yourself with.
This may seem a little technical. Many counselors have a particular counseling theory that they use to treat people. If this is the case, it is important that you find a counselor whose preferred theory is effective in treating the problem you want to work on. For example, if you were looking for a therapist to treat depression, cognitive behavioral theory and rational emotive theory would be effective theories. However, there are some theories that are less effective for treating depression. Another example is psychoanalysis. Psychoanalysis is a good theory if you were planning on long-term intensive therapy. However, if you were looking for brief therapy that only lasted a few weeks or months, it might not be the best. You need a counselor that uses a theoretical framework that would good for the problem you want to work on.
Ok, maybe wrong motivation isn’t the best way to put it. Perhaps a better way to put it is that some people lack the motivation to yield the desired results. As mentioned, the relationship between counselor and client is important. However, so is the client resolve to work for change and work on their problems. One reason that counseling doesn’t work is that people don’t genuinely collaborate on their problems with their counselor. An example of this is homework. In some situations, a counselor might give someone homework assignments to work on between sessions. Some people may not take this seriously and either not do it at all or do it at the last minute. In cases similar to this, it is probably true that the counseling is not going to have the desired results. If the client is not motivated to work on his or her problem, therapy is not likely to be successful.
Another reason people might conclude that counseling doesn’t work is that it’s the wrong time. There could be many reasons that it might be the wrong time. If you don’t have the time to work on you then it might not be the right time for therapy. This might especially be the case in group or family therapy. A group or family might want to work on something in therapy but have someone in their group who is not ready or willing to be a functioning group member. In this case, the rest of the group can still work on their issues. Hopefully, in time the group member will all be motivated to work together as a family or group.
I’m sure you have heard people say “counseling doesn’t work.” And in their experience, this was probably true. However, a good counseling relationship accompanied by the adequate motivation for therapy can yield positive results.
If there was a Husband Hall of Fame, I want to be in it. I’ve been married for eighteen years. It has always been my desire to be a good husband and father. At times, I’ve felt pretty good about that. However, there have been other times that I didn’t feel as good about it. I […]
If there was a Husband Hall of Fame, I want to be in it. I’ve been married for eighteen years. It has always been my desire to be a good husband and father. At times, I’ve felt pretty good about that. However, there have been other times that I didn’t feel as good about it. I have always wanted for my name to be in the Husband Hall of Fame. By the way, these are things I shoot for. Furthermore, they are not necessarily things I have mastered. So here are my suggestions on how to be a great husband.
Most women want to be cherished and valued by their husbands and children. Find ways to treat her like a queen. By the way, every queen wants to be treated differently so the King has to know how to make her feel like a queen. Make her feel that she comes first and the rest will come.
In his book, The Search for Significance, one of the things that Robert Mcgee points out is that women long for security, One of the things husbands can do is to create an environment that fosters both emotional and physical safety. However, that means an absence of verbal, emotional, and physical aggression or abuse. Make her feel safe in your presence. She should know you will always protect her and never hurt her. Make her feel safe.
I had a guy in one of my churches that was convinced that he didn’t need to tell his wife he loved her anymore. What a bunch of nonsense! If you want to build an intimate and tight relationship with your wife tell her she is precious, loved, and comes first. Don’t assume she knows how you feel about her. Make sure she knows. Woo her with words of your love for her and do it often.
The house is a woman’s castle. It has sometimes been said that the man’s domain is the outside and the womans’ inside. Help her to make the house a place that she wants to be. Although the furniture and decor may not be important to some men, it is very important to many women. Help her to make the house her house. Make it a place she is comfortable safe and wants to be.
Be proactive. There are things that she is going to need help with. As such, do them before she asks you for help. Do the dishes before she asks. Make the bed while she is in the shower. Take the dirty clothes into the laundry room before she can. These are what Dr. Gary Chapman calls acts of service. These proactive acts will go a long way in making your wife feel loved and appreciated
Physical touch is another one of Dr.Chapman’s love languages. However, sometimes when some men think about physical contact they associate it with sex or leading to sex. Instead of thinking about touch in this way, change your thinking to include affectionate physical touches that have no expectations of sexual intimacy. You might find that the results are surprising and that it can help bring you both closer in many ways.
Being a counselor in Burlington NC my purpose is to help men in my community. I am sure that you, like me, want to be the best family men that you can. Consequently, I hope you will find this suggestion helpful. I wish you well.
